


2007

by leck



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Middle School, Middle School AU, dmmd - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leck/pseuds/leck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba "Sly Blue" Seragaki is angry at the world. Nobody really knows why. Maybe it's his nature. Maybe it's middle school angst. Anyhow, he wants to destroy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	2007

**Author's Note:**

> yeah ik dmmd takes place in the future but it's based on common middle school experiences
> 
> he listens to BATDF instead of goatbed.
> 
> rawr.

sly blue. 13. bi.

i like PWNING bitches at rhyme, fucking shit up, money, sucking fat cocks, and fucking up ur life. i probably h8 u. my allmate ren is my life LUV U REN!!!1!!!! ren says thnx

IF U DARE OPPOSE ME IN RHYME I WILL DESTROY YOUR MIND!!!!!! XD

 

“There, that’s good--”

“AOBA SERAGAKI!” Shit, my grandmother’s calling me. gdi, what did i fuck up this time? she kicked the door open and shouted some more. “I TOLD YOU TO CLEAN UP AFTER DINNER, AND YOUR PLATE IS STILL HERE!”

“Granny, I don’t fucking care!” she smacked me in the jaw.

“Honestly Aoba, I don’t know who you’ve become, and I don’t care, as long as you do what I tell you to!”

“YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!”

“CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING MESS!” ugh, fine. i hate adults. and people my age. fuck the system. smoke weed every day every night.

“Aoba,” Ren says, sitting on my bed. “You should listen to your grandmother.”

“I can’t be bothered with stupid things like cleaning dishes! I have a Rhyme tournament to sneak out into at midnight--I can’t wait for my next opponent to piss his pants--”

“Aoba, you are literally making a MySpace profile. This is not that important.”

“It is TOO important!”

“Cleaning your place at the table takes literally 2 seconds.”

“FINE!” I listen to Ren because for some reason, I always do. Luv u Ren. XD.

I kill the time by playing Club Penguin. I’m not a member, but my friend Noiz figured out how to hack the system and now we all have membership privileges without having to pay. My penguin, slyblue69, is dressed in all black and looks about as badass as a cartoon penguin can. But we don’t go on Club Penguin to use safe chat and be nice to children.

hay guize where to??? We meet in the forest, because nobody goes there. My friends, ruffrabbit69, clearundies69, womanizer69, and mink69, are all there dressed similar to me. But our penguins are all different colors to tell us apart. Mine’s light blue, like my sick mullet.

the berg, Noiz replies. tip the berg 2007

we go there every single time.

shut up koujaku

if we use our real names we’ll get banned

we’ve gotten banned like ten times hacking cp is super easy. Of course they’d get into one of their stupid fights.

you don’t get banned for saying a name you get banned for saying something like fucknipple. Two minutes later, mink69 disappeared. He must’ve been banned.

And then I got the best fucking idea ever.

let’s crash cp. The only downside would be the fact that i didn’t get to see the faces of the kids who’s evening I’ve destroyed. Actually, there were a lot of downsides, because club penguin isn’t Rhyme, which makes it COOL. That stands for Constipated Overrated Out-of-style Loser. But luckily my friends were speaking my language.

hell yeah.

HAAAAAIIIIIII~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

were gonna ruin kid’s days u kno

THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT KOUJACKOFF

slyblue69 has been banned.

Fucking shit.

 

“Noiz, you have to log me back on immediately.”

“I’ve been trying to get Mink back on for the last five minutes!”

“We only hang out with Mink because he’s our drug dealer!”

“You know, we talk about doing drugs all the time, but we never actually do any drugs.”

“Koujaku, that’s only because Mink charges up the ass!” We’re in a group chat and Noiz STILL HASN’T LOGGED ME BACK ON WTF.

“So, what are our plans?”

“I thought we agreed on the berg, Master-san-chan.” Idk why Clear calls me that but it makes me feel important. “XD!!”

“But we always--fine, we’ll tip the frickin berg!”

“If we’re gonna go out, we better do it with a bang.” I heared a “blip!” sound from one end of the phone line.

“Yo refresh the page,” Noiz instructed.

“Fuck yeah!” I did so and sure enough, I bypassed the ban. Now we were all ready to fuck up SHIT!

 

“You ready?”

“I’m so ready.”

“You sure you ready?”

“This is gonna be so cool.”

“GDI KOUJAKU COOL STANDS FOR CONSTIPATED OVERRATED OUT OF STYLE LOSER NOW!!!”

“You can’t just change the meaning of words!”

“I do what the fuck I want FUCK THE SYSTEM!”

“Whatever, just pull out your jackhammers,” Noiz instructed. Soon there were five penguins drilling. A couple of posers joined in and started screaming TIP THE BERG!!! God I want to destroy them. But I smiled because that’s exactly what we were about to do.

“Do it.” Noiz fucked around with some of his computers and shit. Suddenly, a bunch of colored squares came on the scream, along with the text in a flaming font that said “CP IS PROPERTY OF SLY BLUE, NOIZ, CLEAR, MINK, AND koujaku”. I high-fived Ren but it was awkward because he’s a dog.

“AW YEAH!” We all cheered. Then a pause fell between us. There was still three hours before the Rhyme match.

“So . . . what now?”

“WE DON’T LIKE ANAL SEX ON BARBIE.COM!?” I threw my mouse across the room in anger. “FUCK YOU! WE’RE GONNA DESTROY YOUR ASS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!”

“Aoba, I would advise that you calm down.”

“You can’t fucking stop me!” Soon enough, the flaming font appeared again, this time reading “CLEAR WAS HERE WITH HIS SUPPLE ASSCHEEKS”. Now we’re personalizing them. I laughed uncontrollably and I had to make up some bs reason as to why I was laughing to Granny.

 

“Hey, before we crash this place, can I say goodbye to Beni II?”

“Are you serious? Isn’t the actual Beni with you right now?”

“Shut up! I bought Beni II with my allowance!”

“Beni II is a Webkin!”

“That is not the singular form of Webkinz! It’s like sheep! One sheep, many sheep, same word! One Webkinz, many Webkinz--”

“Fine! Say your goodbyes!” Then Noiz sent me a private text message. i’ve got a surprise for the prick lol XDXD

“KOUJAKU SHOVES WEBKINZ UP HIS ASS? DO YOU WANNA FRICKIN FIGHT, NOIZ?”

“Why don’t you become a Rhymer and then we’ll talk?”

“Fist-to-fist is the only true fair fight!”

“You got that from West Side Story!”

“FYI, Mizuki said that!”

“So basically you got that from West Side Story.”

“Just remove that message already!”

“Sure, sure.” But the message stayed up and burned stronger than ever.

SLY BLUE TURNED UP AT THIS JUNCTION. Build-a-Bearville down? Check.

NOIZ MASTURBATES TO RABBITS. Disney Channel? Hell yeah.

“Dress Up Girls.com next?”

“If you fuck with dressupgirls.com I will never attempt to sell you any drugs ever again.” I had no doubt in my mind that Mink would actually do that.

“Fair enough.”

Finally, we reached our final frontier.

MySpace.

“This is kind of ambitious,” Clear remarked. “Uwa, they’ll really find you now, kyaaaaa~!”

“Never make that sound again,” Mink commanded. He usually only talked to complain about us.

“If we’re going out, we’re going out big.” I made my biggest shit-eating grin. “This is almost as good as Rhyme, holy shit!”

“What should our message be?”

“We need a good one. One that will tell the world that they’ve been trolled.”

“How about ‘surrender to the power of my dick?’”

“Our dicks,” Koujaku corrected. “We have five altogether.”

“It should definitely have dicks in it.”

“Koujaku’s dick is 2 inches long?”

“Heck NO!”

“Clear has a fake dick?”

“My dick is as real as the rest of my body!”

“So it’s a fake dick?”

“No, it’s designed with the intent of mimicking the real human penis! Toue designed it himself!”

“WAIT A SECOND!” I had the best idea. Better than the idea of hacking websites in the first place. “Clear, you’re a genius!” I then urgently typed a message to the group for dramatical effect. A few seconds later, a masterpiece infiltrated the screen:

TOUE INC MORE LIKE HOE INC

“YES!!!!11!!!! XDXDXD!!!!”

“But there’s no dicks in the message--”

“Toue is a dick himself, who cares? This is the power of my awesome mind!” It burned brilliantly on the screen, with images of rainbow dicks ejaculating fire as well. Noiz even got it to play Crazy Frog. Pleased, I leaned back in my chair and grabbed Ren. He seemed surprised but I showed him our work and he seemed to understand.

“AOBA, GET OFF THE PHONE!” Granny practically kicked down my door. Damn. She’s so old but so strong. And I’m screwed. Anxiously, I clicked out of MySpace and swiveled around with an “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” expression because I can’t let her know what I feel inside. “YOU CALL THIS A CLEAN-UP JOB? ALL YOU DID WAS MOVE THE DISHES FROM THE TABLE TO THE SINK!”

“Gotta go.” Without even waiting for a response, I hung up, then turned to Granny. “Why do I have to do it?”

Needless to say, I was smacked on the head. But I still emerged from the kitchen victorious, knowing that I fucked over a lot of people today.

“Aoba, you have a message.” Curiously, I sat up straight (not really if u know what I mean *does the eyebrow wag*) and checked my Coil.

The sender was someone I’ve never heard of.

“‘Captive Princess’? Is this free porn? Shit son, this really is a good day!” But to my great misfortune, it wasn’t porn. Instead, I read a message:

THIS REALLY WORKS!!!! DO NOT IGNORE!!!!! MAKOTO TACHIBANA IGNORED THE WARNINGS AND NOW HIS CRUSH HATES HIM!!!

Forward this message to 10 of your closest friends and your crush will kiss you ON THE LIPS tomorrow after school! If u don’t then your crush will leave you FOREVER! Don’t miss your chance!!!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

“Well that was fucking stupid. I wanted porn.”

“Aoba, the last time you tried to torrent porn, you saw a boob and freaked out so loudly Granny refused to let you stay in the house for a night.”

“Shut up, Ren.” I deleted the message and flopped onto my bed. But shortly after I deleted it, another appeared. The sender was the same, and when I opened the message, nothing had changed. “The fuck?” Delete.

“Aoba, you have a new message.”

“Seriously?” I was going to destroy the sender. So. Fucking. Bad.

Delete.

“Aoba.” Another message.

“WHAT THE DICK EVEN IS THIS?”

“Aoba--”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

“Perhaps it would be best to forward one of them. Perhaps they’ll stop.”

“I’m not forwarding this shit! I’m an undefeated Rhyme champion--I don’t even like people!”

“These messages show no sign of stopping.”

“Can you see who the sender is?”

“I cannot trace the sender’s identity.” After the tenth message, the notifications finally stopped.

“Delete them all, Ren,” I command. “And I’ll delete their ass for messing with me.”

“All messages deleted.” Finally. That was so fucking weird. I hate those stupid chain messages.

“I took the liberty of forwarding one of them.”

“GODDAMNIT!”

 

 


End file.
